Single white male, age thirty four
Looking for friendship, or possibly more
BMI 30, and six feet tall
Send a letter and a photo, but please no calls

I don't drink or do drugs, at least not during the week
And my mom thinks that I have a pretty nice physique
And living at home's not that bad to me
But my love life's really a travesty

Just twenty five words define my life
Separate me from the bounders and the cads
To find a companion, maybe a wife
By searching for love in the personal, personal ads

All you have to be is beautiful, beautiful and true
A blonde, or a redhead, or brunette would do
With a flawless complexion, and ice blue eyes
Who's young and healthy, with muscular thighs

Who cooks and cleans and don't nag me, like my ex
And like a good catholic, enjoys kinky sex
Who likes to hear me play guitar, any time of day
Been playing for three months now, gonna have a record out some day

Just twenty five words define my life
Separate me from the bounders and the cads
To find a companion, maybe a wife
By searching for love in the personal, personal ads

Somewhere here in New Jersey
Is the perfect woman for me
I just hope that she's reading the papers
This Thursday through Saturday...... oh oh, oh oh, ooohhhh

Every day I wait for the postman, to be bring me a sack of mail
Or even just one single letter, but so far to no avail
There's no point in looking for love in some crowded singles bar
Cause I haven't got no money, and I haven't got a car

But maybe there's a girl for me, it's gonna happen soon
Maybe someday I'll be singing a different type of tune
Hope springs eternal, don't feel bad for me yet
Cause I'll be looking for love... on the Internet

Just twenty five words define my life
Separate me from the bounders and the cads
To find a companion, maybe a wife
By searching for love in the personal, personal ads

Christie, are you out there?